Jewish Haiku

On Passover we

Opened the door for Elijah.

Now our dog is gone.

Jewish Buddhism:
If there is no self,
Whose arthritis is this?

Beyond Valium,
Peace is knowing one's child
Is an internist.

After the warm rain
The sweet smell of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?

Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
Of her friend's disease.

Today I am a man
Tomorrow I will return
To the seventh grade.

Testing the warm milk
On her wrist, she sighs softly
But her son is forty.

The sparkling blue sea
Reminds me to wait an hour
After my sandwich.

Jews on safari --
Map, compass, elephant gun,
Hard sucking candies.

The same kimono
The top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann's.

Mom, please! There is no
Need to put that dinner roll
In your pocketbook.

Sorry I'm not home
To take your call. At the tone,
Please state your bad news.

Is one Nobel Prize
So much to ask from a child
After all I've done?

Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz
Five-day forecast: feh

Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Meshuganah
Oy! To be fluent!

Quietly murmured
At Saturday Synagogue services,
Phillies 5, Red Sox 3.

A lovely nose ring,
Excuse me while I put my
Head in the oven.

Hard to tell under the lights.
White Yarmulke or
Male-pattern baldness.

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life;
With the first sip, joy;
With the second sip, satisfaction;
With the third sip, peace;
With the fourth, a Danish.

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems,
What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles
Begins with a single Oy.
Zen is not easy.

It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bupkis.

The Tao does not speak
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others
The Tao is not Jewish.

Breathe in, Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will
Be the least of your problems.

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist

Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical
Sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself.
The Buddha says there is no self.
So, maybe we're off the hook.