Sunday, December 28, 2008

Statements from G-d

"Here's how you cure cancer: make it cooler for a kid to grow up to
be a scientist than it is for him to be an athlete or a pop star.
That's how you cure cancer. Also, teach your girls to dig scientists,
that'll do it."

"In 6 days? Define "day". Back then a day lasted until I was done."

"You can travel to other planets after you learn to take care of this one."

"He was guilty as hell, but the cops did plant the glove by the fence
and Nicole's blood on the sock."

"It took me years to get him to figure that out. I was planting E=MC2
in Einstein's dreams for 20 years before he finally got it."

"Here's a clue: if any person claims to be acting in MY name, but is
making a ton of money doing it, he's a fraud. I don't need money.
Mother Theresa is the only one recently I can recall who had my stamp
of approval."

"My 'Ways' are only mysterious because you spend all your time
following celebrities instead of studying science. Every answer is in
quantum physics and DNA. Figure it out. How old is the Earth? Ask the
Earth. How come nobody is asking me if it will ever be possible to
fly? Because you figured that one out already! Same with the others."

"It was big all right, but there was no "bang". Sound can't travel in
a vacuum, brainiac."

"You called them miracles, I called them Magic Tricks. Again, it's
just physics. Figure it out."

"Yes, the future will be exactly like Star Trek. Do you think Gene
Roddenberry dreamt all that up by himself?

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