From The Book of Murray: The Life, Teachings and Kvetching of the Lost Prophet (2010), (c) David M. Bader, the author of Haikus for Jews.
1. Thou shalt not put anything in writing.
2. Thou shalt get everything in writing.
3. Floss regularly
4. Beware the dermatologist who advertises on billboards.
5. Honor thy father and thy mother, but screen thy calls.
6. Thou shalt not treat the Jewish high holidays as an opportunity to stay home and wait for the cable guy.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery on JDate.
8. Thou shalt not mess up the guest towels in the guest bathroom. Yea, not even if thou art the guest.
9. Thou shalt not Google thy symptoms and then phone thy internist at two a.m. claiming to have a terminal illness.
10. Move not to a town where a penitentiary is the main source of employment.
11. Trust not a cardiologist who chain- smokes.
12. Rebuild not thine own carburetor.
13. Take not more than three suitcases for a weekend trip.
14. Always get more than one estimate.